Elective..

Time pass by so fast, one moment i'm just lamenting about how i must struggle in my 4th year and here i am, 2 weeks away from completing my 4th year! he..he..

After that, i am supposed to do my elective posting in Johor Bahru but somthing happened and i may have to stay in Kelantan for another month for my elective before i can have a chance to go back to my hometown.. miss U, JB!

Uncertainty...

Sometimes, i would feel like i am such a fool.. i know i am still human and still do mistakes but i try my best to be a better person, but why others don't seemed to appreciate this? Or am i not trying enough?
i tried to accommodate my teammates, sometimes halted my progression to wait for others so that we can advance together. However, at times i would just get dumped by other where they started to sprint without me.. the result: others would go ahead of me & i'll be the one who's left behind..
Am i doing something that i shouldn't have to do? Am i suppose to as selfish as others to grab every chance possible and not let others benefit from it? Am i doing the wrong thing or am i doing the right thing the wrong way?
Sometimes, i just felt 'down' and uncertain about what kind of person i'll be in the future? Am i really prepared to mature? to go out into the world full with uncertainties? Sometimes, i felt like i am still a small inexperienced kid who's still living in a world of my own..
Is it only me who's thinking this way or is it everybody will feel this once in a while?

Chinese New Year Celebration..

USM's Chinese New Year Night was fantastic! I enjoyed it very much. The organizers sure put in a lot of effort and it's all worth it..! This is the 1st time the celebration was held outside of campus, it's nice although i personally prefer it to be in the campus, then there would be more 'feel' to it.. I seriously have to take my hats off to the organizers.. Firstly, the show's getting better and more 'pro' by the year. They're even able to use high-tech animation to bring out the storyline of their sketch, the animation is so nice, it felt like i was watching an introduction to a RPG game.. well, although at times the story by the animation was quite lengthy.. They've managed to link up almost the performances that night to the main sketch which gave it a nice touch of continuity of the night's programme.

The decoration was simple yet and a traditional touch to it. I liked this year's backdrop:

The dragon was quite majestic in close view but maybe the audience can't appreciate the details much from far distance. This alone brings out the Chinese New Year 'feel' to the hall. Also, they decorated the pillars around the hall with smaller dragons..

At the main door, they put up images of their sketch's main characters, Yue Fei and his son, Yue Yun. (At first I thought it was the 2 door guardians..!?! he..he..)

Too bad my eyes were closed..! =(

It was also a precious time for our coursemates to gather and chat. It's difficult to find a time when we can gather our coursemates from various postings and have a get-together. It really felt wonderful..

Tolerate..

It has been a busy day & just want to share a little something that my friend had said.

He told me about a story of a granddaughter & her granddad. It goes like this:

Once, there was a granddaughter (let's name her Mel, so that i need not type the word 'granddaughter' that many times.. ;p) who loved fell in love with a man at 1st sight. After Mel's marriage, she gradually realized that she's finding more & more faults in her husband, thus they ended up always in a quarrel. Everytime, she would complain to her granddad about her husband. Her granddad had always just listen to her stories without any response. Until 1 fine day, Mel went to her grandad'a place to complain again. This time round, granddad handed Mel a piece of white paper & a pen. "Mel, do put down a dot for every fault that you think your husband has..". So, Mel made a dot for every thing that she's not satisfied at.. At last, Mel had at least thousands of dots on the piece of paper. "Ok, that should be it, you see, the dots covered practically the whole paper..!" Then, her granddad said to her, "well, there seemed to be quite a lot of dots that made both of you unhappy.." "but, why didn't you realize that although there might be a thousand dots on this paper, there are still lots of spaces left white..!"

Have you got what he meant?

When two people are living with each other, surely every bits of theirselves will show for the partner to see; however, if all that you saw is faults & weaknesses, surely there will be hard times ahead. Besides the faults, surely everyone has their own strong points, so why not focus on these and not dwell on the weaknesses. This way, there will be tolerance & understanding towards each other. I think this doesn't only apply to marriage but to every relationships: parents-children, friends, students-teachers and even enemies! This way, you'll also be more contented & feel happy for yourself.. so why not?

Down with a flu..

Just my luck, down with flu.. it just seized me so suddenly! when i woke up in the morning, i got all the symptoms: tired, runny nose, red eyes, cough & sore throat..





Decided to just stay in my room all day, therefore bought some ingredients from 7-11 for my breakfast, lunch & dinner.





Breakfast: Mushroom soup + bread





Lunch: Ice Lemon Tea + tuna sandwich + cawanmushi

My lunch..!

Dinner: friend asked me out, so didn't get to finish off the breads i bought.. :p

Still feeling quite sick now.. tonight have to sleep early.

Winter Solstice

This is the 1st winter solstice in the past 4 years where i get taste my mum's home-cooked traditional glutinous riceballs..!




Invited a few friends over for dinner (my mum's special fried rice! yum!!!) and we bought some glutinous riceballs (those with fillings: peanut, red bean, black sesame) from the supermarket. I liked black sesame the best..!

delicious 'tang yuan'!

Brief Retreat..

Another posting ended.. yup, no more labour rooms for me for the time being.. kinda liked the atmosphere though, might consider taking up O&G as speciality in the future
:p

It's been a heavy posting, exhausted my brain power trying to fit in all the inputs and pouring it out during exam.. wow, finally get to relax over the weekend, did some things that i've longed to do such as watching drama, just idling around (though i kinda regret it now..should have used my time for something useful..) and most importantly: setting up MSN on my new laptop =)
Ha..Ha.. chatted with a few old buddies on MSN, really missed them so much!! it's been just a long time since i went back to hometown.. Have to wait until CNY only get to go back..

Actually, wanted to go on a 2 day 2 night 'Kampung Orang Asli' medical expedition which ended yesterday organized by school but as my mum's here, i have to choose family between the two.. Found out from junior that they had so much fun there.. medical check-ups, health counselling, tour around kampung, and a chance to menyupit orang asli style! hope there'll be chances like this in the future.

Well, the end of O&G means the beginning of Surgery. Have to keep it up! =)

Mum's in Kelantan!

My mum will be staying in Kelantan for about a month! That means i get to eat home-cooked dishes..! Wah.. it's been a long time since i've eaten my mum's dishes.. (what to do, no time to go home).. i can imagine now all of my favourite dishes appearing in front of me.. yum! yum!

On-call in Labour Room

The time is 2.30 am.
I am now in Labour room waiting for the birth of new lives into this world. So far, I had conducted 2 deliveries and the feeling of receiving a new being into the world is simply miraculous..!
Mothers suffered for 9 months during pregnancy awaiting for this day to come.. As the mother lies on the bed waiting for the full dilatation & effacement of the cervix, every mother would feel pain and anxious for the birth of her baby. When the baby can't wait to see this world, the mother had to exhaust all her energy to push the baby out from her womb, then the expression on the mother's face changes from pain to joy as the baby was born and the 1st cry was heard..!
The greatness of mothers are incomparable and we as a child should always remember that our mother will always be there for us & we should also always be there for our mother..!
Sheez, wonder how i am going to go through tomorrow's lecture...

hari yang gelap..

hari ini terasa amat gelap.. bukan sebab malam, bukan sebab hari nak hujan.. tetapi terasa pilu dalam hati..

pertama kali mata saya bertembung matanya, saya sudah terasa kesedihan dalam matanya tetapi mukanya nenunjukkan ketabahan yang disengajakan..
apabila saya mula berbual dengannya, suaranya sungguh tidak bermaya tetapi wajahnya masih sanggup bersenyum semasa menjawab soalan-soalan saya..

"akak tidak pernah mengalami apa-apa tanda, hanya sakit perut sejak 2 bulan lalu.. 2 hari lepas, tiba-tiba darah mengalir keluar hingga basah 1 sarung..! Jadi suami bawa ke hospital.."
.
.
semakin saya mengetahui ceritanya, semakin saya faham kesedihan yang dialaminya..
.
.
"sebenarnya.. akak dah mengandung 14 minggu.."
"doktor kata scan menunjukkan akak tak gugur dengan habis, masih ada yang tertinggal di dalam rahim, kena cuci.."
.
.
apabila saya mendengar kata-kata ini, saya terpegun seketika, tidak tahu bagaimana hendak sambung dengan temubual ini.. tapi, saya teruskan juga hingga selesai..
selepas saya pergi dari katil akak itu, senyuman pada mukanya hilang, matanya memandang jauh ke langit.. mungkin tengah berfikir tentang anaknya yang tiada peluang untuk melihat dunia ini..

I am turning into 1 of the 7 Dwarves..!

Zzz.. Zzz.. Yup, i think i am becoming Sleepy..!

These few days i felt abnormally sleepy throughtout the days for i-don't-know-what reasons.. I've had my usual dose of sleep but still i would doze off at the most inappropriate hours and sometimes really unable to concentrate on my tasks.. i can just doze off to Dreamland during lectures, seminars, discussions, tutorials, even in the library when i was studying.. just give me a seat and i can just doze off before you can count to three ten hundred..!

At times, would felt my eyes were very dry & red (just like when you had just woken up from an hour sleep after deprived of sleep for 24 hours).. definitely not a good feeling..

maybe I've been infected with a 'Sleeping Disease'..

Fragile..

Spent the whole day in neonatal intensive care unit..
Saw how fragile we humans are, truly..
Those innocent little eyes looking straight into yours, bringing you into their helplessness world..
They cried in agony yet without any audible sound as a plastic tube was placed into their mouth without which they couldn't breath..
The wires here and wires there, my heart would miss a beat everytime the alarm sounds, the measurement of life is just by the continuous lines and numbers on the screen..
Unlike those Johnson's and Johnson's baby who's just so healthy and chubby,
those infants were without any fat and the skin so dry and wrinkled..
Unlike those babies who can go home with their parents and enjoying every moments of their parent's love, the babies in the ward could only have a few hours of the comforting hours
For the rest of the time, they are cared for by their 2nd parents: the nurses and the doctors..

Life is fragile.. yet that's the reason why life is precious.. treasure it well..!

New Insight

Before medical school, i just thought, Doctors are great; just like the angels from above, pure & perfect.. i wonder in awe..

When i am applying for medical school, i just thought, being a Doctor is great; be able to help others! but did i ever thought, am i really suitable for this responsibility or am i just taking it due to external influence? Am i taking it too lightly?

In 1st year, i just thought, Doctors are great: they need to squeeze all that information about the human body into that little brain of theirs so that they can perform their duty well..

In 2nd year, i just thought, Doctors are great; they just need to clerk the patients & perform examinations to know what's wrong with their body & manage accordingly..

Little did i thought what a real doctor's life is like.. that the responsibilities are far more than what other people sees..

In 4th year, i finally realized that being a true doctor, you'll need a sincerely caring heart for others; not just eager to treat their illness but treat others as a whole (biologically, emotionally, socially). You need to be truly dedicated, the amount of time spent with the patient in ward isn't enough, the time dedicated outstretch far more invading your personal time.. you may need to call their family for clarifications, you need to do home visits, you need to read up about their diseases.. you also need a lot of zest & enthusiasm to continue giving out what you have despite all the setbacks, the falls, the tiredness, the harsh words of others..

Do i even have all those qualities? i am seriously not sure myself.. i am trying to balance myself, always keeping on motivating myself, telling myself i can't fall down.. at least not now.. i really hope i can be a true doctor..

A new beginning

Alast, new sem had begun. I'm stepping into my 1st clinical years a.k.a. 'junior houseman'..
As always, when confronted by changes, i'd definitely fell into a 'blur like sotong' stage: semi-conscious about what's happening in my surroundings, stacks of workloads, new colleagues etc.
Hence, i may be susceptible to external & internal threats which is unknown to me or has yet surfaced.. that's the most frightening thing! Hope, i'll go through this phase in a jiffy before i sustain any long-term injury.. ;p

If i still have some amount of personal time left, maybe i'll blog about my 10 days Sabah-Labuan-Brunei trip..! if only time permits... =)

In hospital... down with typhoid!

Just been discharged today from the hospital, felt a bit tired still yet have to re-tune my mind to study mode by tonight as exam's coming... next week!

Been having fever and diarrhoea for 1 week prior to admission to the hospital (i admitted on 1st April). But what brings me to the doc ain't the fever nor the diarrhoea but the unbearable throbbing headache which sent an impulse with every step i take!!! (as this is my blog and not a clinical report, i'll skip all the elaborations..! ;p)

I was suspected with typhoid (demam kepialu) & voila, i was in the ward..! really felt weird inside, the ward that i go everyday in a white coat where i find my target (patient) to clerk his (or her) history, the same ward where i'll be staying for the next few days.. and this time, i am the TARGET not the prey..
=(
i can seriously relate to patients' feelings when they are repeatedly approached by medical students who won't know just how many other students had come taken this patient's history and just how many times this patient had to repeat his history... now i truly realized you can't really blame the patients when they refused to be clerked by medical students.. there's always a reason behind..

All sorts of investigations was done: FBC, BUSE, LFT, RFT, dengue serology, EIA dot blot, blood C&S, urine FEME + C&S, stool FEME + C&S, etc (to my layman friends, these are just all sorts of test to assess my health status as well as to confirm i am having typhoid & rule out other possibilities..)
and i don't know how much blood i lost in the process in order to get these tests done... Ouch!

I was started on IV drip for fear of dehydration and was started on IV antibiotics. Boy, it seriously hurts when the drug was injected into my vein.. it felt cold yet stinging pain slowly spreading along the veins... a truly terrible feeling!

Yet, i felt the warmth that i'll perhaps never realized if i was not hospitalized.. the warmth of friendship! Nearly everyday, my bedside would be flooded with my friends who came to see how i was doing.. some would stay for a long time to keep me company.. many would send messages to me late at night for fear i felt alone.. many came with all sorts of gifts (mostly food :>) to lighten up my days.. i really appreciate all the things my friends at the university did for me.. also not to mention, news had even gotten to JB & SG..! I was shocked and happy to receive words from my faraway buddies.. i am still touched when i think about it now..

This hospitalization wasn't just all suffering for me, i learnt many things from this experience.. maybe some lessons i'll never get to learn if i wasn't admitted.. a blessing in disguise, maybe?

*base note: some facts about typhoid:
Typhoid is a communicable disease meaning this disease can spread from human to human by eating contaminated food prepared by a person with this disease.. the responsible microorganism is Salmonella typhi.. it causes prolonged fever and usually watery diarrhoea with abdominal pain.. so, please be selective when it comes to eating outside, make sure the environment is clean and the way the cook handles the food is hygienic.. keep proper self-hygiene is also very important! =)

Without you..

1st day without you, it's like missing a part of me,
2nd day without you, i'm beginning to accept,
3rd day without you, i've re-opened my heart to others,
4th day without you, i am still ever joyful..!

he..he.. this proves that people can indeed readapt and life doesn't just revolve around a computer..!
=)

Double Troubles..

When i think that everything's at last is going quite smoothly for me, dear Mr.Trouble come knocking at my doorstep..!

1st episode: Diarrhoea

All of the sudden! Felt stomachache, went to toilet, and well, you know the rest of the business..
It was so watery, i was in a serious risk of hypovolaemic shock if not for "100 plus"es from a nearby 7-11!
Luckily it only lasted for 2 days! It was a total misery, i slept for don't know how many hours during that 2 days period, total malaise.. eating only bread & drink only milo!
= (

sidenote: i guess the rumours are true.. you'll suffer from the disease that you are currently learning..! I'm in Communicable Disease block right now learning everything from infectious fever, diarrhoea, rashes to snake bites! All my "favourite" microbes: Cryptosporidium, Entamoeba, hookworms, & flukes are all over my table! & voila! diarrhoea struck me..!
; p

2nd episode: Electro-Encephalo-Pathy (Disease of the electronic brain a.k.a. computer!)

My laptop broke down..!!!! It just kept on rebooting itself without prior warning randomly! After asking around, i was told it was most likely mother board failure.. And it have to happen at this very crucial time when i have to type reports, view notes & study materials but most importantly play games, read mangas & listen to songs to de-stress!!! Without the computer, i am seriously half-paralyzed..!

Don't know have to spend how much to repair the laptop.. i am still wondering if i can just replace the laptop as it's quite an old model & i don't think the cost of repairing it will do much benefit (i heard it cost about RM1000++ for a motherboard!) compared to buying a new one.. but then, if i want to buy a new one, there's a whole lot more i have to consider before i can make the decision to buy.. after all, i am still financially dependent..

Well, it's troubles and more troubles for me...

Chinese New Year Nite

On the 2nd of Feb 2007, another grand CNY Nite celebration was held organized by the 2nd years.. They really put in a lot of effort into it and indeed it was a splendid show!

decided to upload some photos... 1st time trying to upload photos.. he..he

Me with an exquisitely made lamp

The following photos are the result of months of hard work by the Deco team..!

A self-made lantern at the main entrance
(note: the designs was fully hand-drawn!)

a pair of bridge with a pond in the middle, also at the main entrance
(note: the bridges were built by future doctors!)

the backdrop with this year's theme
Sashay of Blossoms, Grandeur of the Orient
presenting... the Deco team!!!

After the show... lots of people hoard around the stage & main entrance to take photos.. but i only manage to took some (what to do, no camera of my own...)

My beautiful group mates...

Friends...

Well, Chinese New Year is coming and that means can go people's house to collect 'ang pow' and most importantly... Eat!!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

A New Year, A New Skill..!

Omigod! Been ages since i blogged.. partly due to the quake which downed the whole wide web... Anyway, 2006 had been a year like never before,

• Been busy like crazy, working my gluteus off till 2 pm every night for CNY Night 2006,
• Skipped a heck lot of classes, PBLs (luckily still got strength to go for clinicals), for the 1st time in the history of my life!
• Went to the State of Sea Turtles, Terengganu and had the experience of a lifetime having to measure a turtle while she's crying (sure malu lar if me also i cry..!) and laying her precious eggs
• Spent a whole month at KL
  
• Worked in a proper office environment (Menara Maxis wor..! ) for the 1st time! (Thanks Tanjong!)
• the usual emotional ups and downs, but i think 2006's emotional waves are stronger than previous years.. wonder why?
  

Conclusion, 2006 had been an eventful year!
Well, actually, that's not the main point..!
The main point of this post is... I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BICYCLE! = )
I have been wanting to learn from secondary school but no opportunity...
Came to USM and have to go through the adaptation phase so forgotten clean about it..
Only recently during Raya Haji, my semangat to learn came roaring once again and i took the chance to learn it during the Haji break..
Indeed my effort was not wasted, i finally get to ride on a biccycle!!! Although in the process, i got myself some marks of success: a few abrasions on my arm and legs but it was totally worth it!

Now, i can ride with the wind! It felt really good!!!

1 more Exam!!

Finally gone through CA 1 and also my final Community Study Intervention presentation!
= )
Now, still have 1 more exam to go: Biostat & community medicine exam..! Lots and lots to study in just 3 days! (Exam this thursday..)
Well, wish my luck. I think i need a lot of it this time.
; p