Winter Solstice

This is the 1st winter solstice in the past 4 years where i get taste my mum's home-cooked traditional glutinous riceballs..!




Invited a few friends over for dinner (my mum's special fried rice! yum!!!) and we bought some glutinous riceballs (those with fillings: peanut, red bean, black sesame) from the supermarket. I liked black sesame the best..!

delicious 'tang yuan'!

Brief Retreat..

Another posting ended.. yup, no more labour rooms for me for the time being.. kinda liked the atmosphere though, might consider taking up O&G as speciality in the future
:p

It's been a heavy posting, exhausted my brain power trying to fit in all the inputs and pouring it out during exam.. wow, finally get to relax over the weekend, did some things that i've longed to do such as watching drama, just idling around (though i kinda regret it now..should have used my time for something useful..) and most importantly: setting up MSN on my new laptop =)
Ha..Ha.. chatted with a few old buddies on MSN, really missed them so much!! it's been just a long time since i went back to hometown.. Have to wait until CNY only get to go back..

Actually, wanted to go on a 2 day 2 night 'Kampung Orang Asli' medical expedition which ended yesterday organized by school but as my mum's here, i have to choose family between the two.. Found out from junior that they had so much fun there.. medical check-ups, health counselling, tour around kampung, and a chance to menyupit orang asli style! hope there'll be chances like this in the future.

Well, the end of O&G means the beginning of Surgery. Have to keep it up! =)

Mum's in Kelantan!

My mum will be staying in Kelantan for about a month! That means i get to eat home-cooked dishes..! Wah.. it's been a long time since i've eaten my mum's dishes.. (what to do, no time to go home).. i can imagine now all of my favourite dishes appearing in front of me.. yum! yum!

On-call in Labour Room

The time is 2.30 am.
I am now in Labour room waiting for the birth of new lives into this world. So far, I had conducted 2 deliveries and the feeling of receiving a new being into the world is simply miraculous..!
Mothers suffered for 9 months during pregnancy awaiting for this day to come.. As the mother lies on the bed waiting for the full dilatation & effacement of the cervix, every mother would feel pain and anxious for the birth of her baby. When the baby can't wait to see this world, the mother had to exhaust all her energy to push the baby out from her womb, then the expression on the mother's face changes from pain to joy as the baby was born and the 1st cry was heard..!
The greatness of mothers are incomparable and we as a child should always remember that our mother will always be there for us & we should also always be there for our mother..!
Sheez, wonder how i am going to go through tomorrow's lecture...

hari yang gelap..

hari ini terasa amat gelap.. bukan sebab malam, bukan sebab hari nak hujan.. tetapi terasa pilu dalam hati..

pertama kali mata saya bertembung matanya, saya sudah terasa kesedihan dalam matanya tetapi mukanya nenunjukkan ketabahan yang disengajakan..
apabila saya mula berbual dengannya, suaranya sungguh tidak bermaya tetapi wajahnya masih sanggup bersenyum semasa menjawab soalan-soalan saya..

"akak tidak pernah mengalami apa-apa tanda, hanya sakit perut sejak 2 bulan lalu.. 2 hari lepas, tiba-tiba darah mengalir keluar hingga basah 1 sarung..! Jadi suami bawa ke hospital.."
.
.
semakin saya mengetahui ceritanya, semakin saya faham kesedihan yang dialaminya..
.
.
"sebenarnya.. akak dah mengandung 14 minggu.."
"doktor kata scan menunjukkan akak tak gugur dengan habis, masih ada yang tertinggal di dalam rahim, kena cuci.."
.
.
apabila saya mendengar kata-kata ini, saya terpegun seketika, tidak tahu bagaimana hendak sambung dengan temubual ini.. tapi, saya teruskan juga hingga selesai..
selepas saya pergi dari katil akak itu, senyuman pada mukanya hilang, matanya memandang jauh ke langit.. mungkin tengah berfikir tentang anaknya yang tiada peluang untuk melihat dunia ini..

I am turning into 1 of the 7 Dwarves..!

Zzz.. Zzz.. Yup, i think i am becoming Sleepy..!

These few days i felt abnormally sleepy throughtout the days for i-don't-know-what reasons.. I've had my usual dose of sleep but still i would doze off at the most inappropriate hours and sometimes really unable to concentrate on my tasks.. i can just doze off to Dreamland during lectures, seminars, discussions, tutorials, even in the library when i was studying.. just give me a seat and i can just doze off before you can count to three ten hundred..!

At times, would felt my eyes were very dry & red (just like when you had just woken up from an hour sleep after deprived of sleep for 24 hours).. definitely not a good feeling..

maybe I've been infected with a 'Sleeping Disease'..

Fragile..

Spent the whole day in neonatal intensive care unit..
Saw how fragile we humans are, truly..
Those innocent little eyes looking straight into yours, bringing you into their helplessness world..
They cried in agony yet without any audible sound as a plastic tube was placed into their mouth without which they couldn't breath..
The wires here and wires there, my heart would miss a beat everytime the alarm sounds, the measurement of life is just by the continuous lines and numbers on the screen..
Unlike those Johnson's and Johnson's baby who's just so healthy and chubby,
those infants were without any fat and the skin so dry and wrinkled..
Unlike those babies who can go home with their parents and enjoying every moments of their parent's love, the babies in the ward could only have a few hours of the comforting hours
For the rest of the time, they are cared for by their 2nd parents: the nurses and the doctors..

Life is fragile.. yet that's the reason why life is precious.. treasure it well..!

New Insight

Before medical school, i just thought, Doctors are great; just like the angels from above, pure & perfect.. i wonder in awe..

When i am applying for medical school, i just thought, being a Doctor is great; be able to help others! but did i ever thought, am i really suitable for this responsibility or am i just taking it due to external influence? Am i taking it too lightly?

In 1st year, i just thought, Doctors are great: they need to squeeze all that information about the human body into that little brain of theirs so that they can perform their duty well..

In 2nd year, i just thought, Doctors are great; they just need to clerk the patients & perform examinations to know what's wrong with their body & manage accordingly..

Little did i thought what a real doctor's life is like.. that the responsibilities are far more than what other people sees..

In 4th year, i finally realized that being a true doctor, you'll need a sincerely caring heart for others; not just eager to treat their illness but treat others as a whole (biologically, emotionally, socially). You need to be truly dedicated, the amount of time spent with the patient in ward isn't enough, the time dedicated outstretch far more invading your personal time.. you may need to call their family for clarifications, you need to do home visits, you need to read up about their diseases.. you also need a lot of zest & enthusiasm to continue giving out what you have despite all the setbacks, the falls, the tiredness, the harsh words of others..

Do i even have all those qualities? i am seriously not sure myself.. i am trying to balance myself, always keeping on motivating myself, telling myself i can't fall down.. at least not now.. i really hope i can be a true doctor..

A new beginning

Alast, new sem had begun. I'm stepping into my 1st clinical years a.k.a. 'junior houseman'..
As always, when confronted by changes, i'd definitely fell into a 'blur like sotong' stage: semi-conscious about what's happening in my surroundings, stacks of workloads, new colleagues etc.
Hence, i may be susceptible to external & internal threats which is unknown to me or has yet surfaced.. that's the most frightening thing! Hope, i'll go through this phase in a jiffy before i sustain any long-term injury.. ;p

If i still have some amount of personal time left, maybe i'll blog about my 10 days Sabah-Labuan-Brunei trip..! if only time permits... =)

In hospital... down with typhoid!

Just been discharged today from the hospital, felt a bit tired still yet have to re-tune my mind to study mode by tonight as exam's coming... next week!

Been having fever and diarrhoea for 1 week prior to admission to the hospital (i admitted on 1st April). But what brings me to the doc ain't the fever nor the diarrhoea but the unbearable throbbing headache which sent an impulse with every step i take!!! (as this is my blog and not a clinical report, i'll skip all the elaborations..! ;p)

I was suspected with typhoid (demam kepialu) & voila, i was in the ward..! really felt weird inside, the ward that i go everyday in a white coat where i find my target (patient) to clerk his (or her) history, the same ward where i'll be staying for the next few days.. and this time, i am the TARGET not the prey..
=(
i can seriously relate to patients' feelings when they are repeatedly approached by medical students who won't know just how many other students had come taken this patient's history and just how many times this patient had to repeat his history... now i truly realized you can't really blame the patients when they refused to be clerked by medical students.. there's always a reason behind..

All sorts of investigations was done: FBC, BUSE, LFT, RFT, dengue serology, EIA dot blot, blood C&S, urine FEME + C&S, stool FEME + C&S, etc (to my layman friends, these are just all sorts of test to assess my health status as well as to confirm i am having typhoid & rule out other possibilities..)
and i don't know how much blood i lost in the process in order to get these tests done... Ouch!

I was started on IV drip for fear of dehydration and was started on IV antibiotics. Boy, it seriously hurts when the drug was injected into my vein.. it felt cold yet stinging pain slowly spreading along the veins... a truly terrible feeling!

Yet, i felt the warmth that i'll perhaps never realized if i was not hospitalized.. the warmth of friendship! Nearly everyday, my bedside would be flooded with my friends who came to see how i was doing.. some would stay for a long time to keep me company.. many would send messages to me late at night for fear i felt alone.. many came with all sorts of gifts (mostly food :>) to lighten up my days.. i really appreciate all the things my friends at the university did for me.. also not to mention, news had even gotten to JB & SG..! I was shocked and happy to receive words from my faraway buddies.. i am still touched when i think about it now..

This hospitalization wasn't just all suffering for me, i learnt many things from this experience.. maybe some lessons i'll never get to learn if i wasn't admitted.. a blessing in disguise, maybe?

*base note: some facts about typhoid:
Typhoid is a communicable disease meaning this disease can spread from human to human by eating contaminated food prepared by a person with this disease.. the responsible microorganism is Salmonella typhi.. it causes prolonged fever and usually watery diarrhoea with abdominal pain.. so, please be selective when it comes to eating outside, make sure the environment is clean and the way the cook handles the food is hygienic.. keep proper self-hygiene is also very important! =)

Without you..

1st day without you, it's like missing a part of me,
2nd day without you, i'm beginning to accept,
3rd day without you, i've re-opened my heart to others,
4th day without you, i am still ever joyful..!

he..he.. this proves that people can indeed readapt and life doesn't just revolve around a computer..!
=)

Double Troubles..

When i think that everything's at last is going quite smoothly for me, dear Mr.Trouble come knocking at my doorstep..!

1st episode: Diarrhoea

All of the sudden! Felt stomachache, went to toilet, and well, you know the rest of the business..
It was so watery, i was in a serious risk of hypovolaemic shock if not for "100 plus"es from a nearby 7-11!
Luckily it only lasted for 2 days! It was a total misery, i slept for don't know how many hours during that 2 days period, total malaise.. eating only bread & drink only milo!
= (

sidenote: i guess the rumours are true.. you'll suffer from the disease that you are currently learning..! I'm in Communicable Disease block right now learning everything from infectious fever, diarrhoea, rashes to snake bites! All my "favourite" microbes: Cryptosporidium, Entamoeba, hookworms, & flukes are all over my table! & voila! diarrhoea struck me..!
; p

2nd episode: Electro-Encephalo-Pathy (Disease of the electronic brain a.k.a. computer!)

My laptop broke down..!!!! It just kept on rebooting itself without prior warning randomly! After asking around, i was told it was most likely mother board failure.. And it have to happen at this very crucial time when i have to type reports, view notes & study materials but most importantly play games, read mangas & listen to songs to de-stress!!! Without the computer, i am seriously half-paralyzed..!

Don't know have to spend how much to repair the laptop.. i am still wondering if i can just replace the laptop as it's quite an old model & i don't think the cost of repairing it will do much benefit (i heard it cost about RM1000++ for a motherboard!) compared to buying a new one.. but then, if i want to buy a new one, there's a whole lot more i have to consider before i can make the decision to buy.. after all, i am still financially dependent..

Well, it's troubles and more troubles for me...

Chinese New Year Nite

On the 2nd of Feb 2007, another grand CNY Nite celebration was held organized by the 2nd years.. They really put in a lot of effort into it and indeed it was a splendid show!

decided to upload some photos... 1st time trying to upload photos.. he..he

Me with an exquisitely made lamp

The following photos are the result of months of hard work by the Deco team..!

A self-made lantern at the main entrance
(note: the designs was fully hand-drawn!)

a pair of bridge with a pond in the middle, also at the main entrance
(note: the bridges were built by future doctors!)

the backdrop with this year's theme
Sashay of Blossoms, Grandeur of the Orient
presenting... the Deco team!!!

After the show... lots of people hoard around the stage & main entrance to take photos.. but i only manage to took some (what to do, no camera of my own...)

My beautiful group mates...

Friends...

Well, Chinese New Year is coming and that means can go people's house to collect 'ang pow' and most importantly... Eat!!!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

A New Year, A New Skill..!

Omigod! Been ages since i blogged.. partly due to the quake which downed the whole wide web... Anyway, 2006 had been a year like never before,

• Been busy like crazy, working my gluteus off till 2 pm every night for CNY Night 2006,
• Skipped a heck lot of classes, PBLs (luckily still got strength to go for clinicals), for the 1st time in the history of my life!
• Went to the State of Sea Turtles, Terengganu and had the experience of a lifetime having to measure a turtle while she's crying (sure malu lar if me also i cry..!) and laying her precious eggs
• Spent a whole month at KL
  
• Worked in a proper office environment (Menara Maxis wor..! ) for the 1st time! (Thanks Tanjong!)
• the usual emotional ups and downs, but i think 2006's emotional waves are stronger than previous years.. wonder why?
  

Conclusion, 2006 had been an eventful year!
Well, actually, that's not the main point..!
The main point of this post is... I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO RIDE A BICYCLE! = )
I have been wanting to learn from secondary school but no opportunity...
Came to USM and have to go through the adaptation phase so forgotten clean about it..
Only recently during Raya Haji, my semangat to learn came roaring once again and i took the chance to learn it during the Haji break..
Indeed my effort was not wasted, i finally get to ride on a biccycle!!! Although in the process, i got myself some marks of success: a few abrasions on my arm and legs but it was totally worth it!

Now, i can ride with the wind! It felt really good!!!

1 more Exam!!

Finally gone through CA 1 and also my final Community Study Intervention presentation!
= )
Now, still have 1 more exam to go: Biostat & community medicine exam..! Lots and lots to study in just 3 days! (Exam this thursday..)
Well, wish my luck. I think i need a lot of it this time.
; p

Saturated..

Ever have the feeling of having eaten too much until you've reached the point where you'll feel disgusted even by the sight of food?
That's exactly how i feel right now..! Not due to food but yes... due to the stacks of notes and medical books. My brain is saturated and anymore of this i'll go bonkers..!
It sound a bit harsh but seriously, i really might just puke right in front of that mountain of notes..! Merely the sight of that made my stomach groan.. = (
Hence, here i am running away from my notes.. Well, have to chack mails and write blog once in a while, right?
Like people always say
"Rest is for the longer journey ahead!"

Thoughts & Headaches

Been thinking about the title of my last post... Life is indeed contradicting. While doctors are said to be with no social life, their job revolves around their patients most of the time! So i guess patients and their families ARE doctors' social circle in COMPENSATION to the loss of their normal social circles.
Patients + Patients Families in exchange for Friends + Own families.
Wow! Doctors really have to sacrifice A LOT!

Then again, i can't help but to feel that even at the current moment, i began to loss touch with human interaction (well, most probably because of my quiet nature) ; sometimes i feel it's harder and harder to understand how a person thinks & acts (is it because i've seen deceits, selfishness, misunderstandings and backstabs that i am losing my faith in human, in myself perhaps?) ; how is that going to help me in dealing with patients in the future? Will i become a robot doctor? A doctor that will only be determine to discover the underlying disease my patients have? Will i just go to my patient, ask relevant history, perform physical examination, identify disease, give treatment, full stop; without any empathy towards how the patient feels? Is that a healthy human interaction?

But which is better? A more competent yet apathy doctor or A not-so-good-with-skills doctor that is able to soothe your pain? Can i get the best of both worlds, be a very competent and empathic doctor?

I feel that my personality itself does permit me to gain the best of both worlds; seriously i feel i am totally bad at soft skills and it has to be the hardest skill to acquire and learn, you can't possibly learn it through lectures or course or books!
Anyhow, I am trying to change myself in order to walk that very path to reach that very destination.. just that sometimes i need more than average motivation to keep me going..!

Well i guess the path of a medical practitioner is tougher than tough but in the end, when you know you can make a difference in other people's lives; to be able to put an end to others miseries, however small it is; these are good enough reasons to lighten up the spirit a bit!

Lastly, a phrase worthy of the posting's theme that every medical practitioner have heard a zillion times,
"You must treat patient as a whole not just treat the disease itself..!"


Anyway, been having headaches for a few days now... Don't know why all these thoughts spurt out of my mind when i am having a bad headache..!?! Weird.

Doctor = No Social Life?

Had a nice chat with 2 of my friend yesterday night (or rather today early morning!?!) from 2pm to 3.30pm... We realized that compared to previous years in university, the interpersonal interactions among us had greatly reduced...

We attribute it to the increasing amount of workload, have to study back 1st year's basic sciences: physiology, biochemistry, and (Grey's? : p) anatomy in addition to current clinical sciences, pathology (not pak-toh-logy) and other -logies i.e. haematology, endocrinology, parasitology, and the list goes on; added to these, we have to clerk case, try to perfect our clinical skills while trying to squeeze a huge amount of knowledge into 1 tiny brain... TOUGH.

So naturally, less and less time for chats, less and less people go for club activities and less and less interactions... It's mostly about studies, homeworks and patients... I guess it's true to say that a doctor is bound to it's life long profession and does not have (or rather couldn't have) a brisk social life.

It's really very hard to juggle between study load and social life. More time spent in social meaning less time to study meaning less knowledge gained yet knowledge is very important for doctors as they are dealing with precious lives that's entrusted to them.

Wonder how will my future life will be like???

My niece's Full Moon

I have the cutest niece in this whole wide world..! = )

My niece, named Yu En, had her Full Moon celebration marking her 1st month into this world.
I finally got to see her and her face is just the cutest thing in this world! Round face, large eyes, single eye-lid (but my brother claimed it's doubled?), very nicely-shaped lips. I'll post her pic when it's available..

She will grow up to be such a fine lady with lots and lots of people showering their love on her.. evident by the amount of presents received; enough to bury 1 adult beneath the whole pile! And of course my dear brother puts ALL his attention on hes dearest daughter: he feeds her, bathes her, sings to her until she falls asleep and he's the 1st face she'll see everytime she wakes up..! She's totally immersed in the power of parent's love!

By the way, i had a lot of goodies to eat too! Happy.
; p

Back in Kampung

Yesterday, my group went to our community study area to visit our adopted families' homes for Raya celebration...

Started our journey around 2.30pm... it was raining. One of my coursemate, LL was complaining, 'Oh dear, what's gonna happen to my car? All the muddy roads... *sigh*'.. Well, we haven't realized by then what's gonna happen to our STOMACH after a few hours..!

We went house by house...
1st house: 'Mari makan!' 'Baik!'
We ate kuih raya and drank air kelapa wangi blend (a famous product of this family, Shiok!)

2nd huse: 'Mari makan!' 'Ya..'
Again we ate kuih raya, drink orange juice and while we sembang, we didn't realize the ultimate danger... the host cooked an enormous portion of friend mee!!! Of course, we can't refuse so each of us ate our little share leaving quite a lot untouched...
By the time we are leaving, we realized it's already 4.30pm!!! 2 hours past! Bearing in mind, we decided to act fast, eat fast, drink fast, talk less.

3rd house: 'Mari Makan!' 'Ok...'
Yup, again we ate kuih raya... by then, we politely refused drinks before the host even begun to prepare.. the witty LL (who stayed there previously) went into the kitchen to check on her mek (mother). Suddenly she came out, asked us 'siapa nak minum? Semua tak mau kan?' (we didn't even have to answer..) in a split second, she rushed back to the kitchen and mission complete, no drinks!
Yet, her mek still came out with 2 plates of mango cuts...

4th house: 'Mari makan!' '....'
By then, i already became a muruku specialist comparing murukus from different houses.
'This muruku taste better hor?'
' Ya lor, just like the one in market... you know, the white colour packet with the baby picture!'
'Ya lor, ya lor'
So, we just ate the muruku, ignored other kuihs and drank tea.

5th house: 'Mari makan!' 'takpe...'
Went in, greet, every kuih try one, drink, greet, out of house.


6th house: 'Mari makan!' 'takpe.. betul-betul takpe..'
In the end, we ate a lot of keropok lekor and each of us had a bowl of ais kacang! (the host opens a warung...)

Finally, we head back with a supreme ultimately full-of-kuih raya-and-water stomach..!
Went back to university, skipped dinner. = )