Well, finally had a whole week holiday and can spend some time back in my hometown...
Did quite a lot of things too.. Got to meet with some hometown friends, went out for a lunch at a new restaurant in town, 'Wong Kok Hong Kong Restaurant' & a saw a movie, 'Stormbreaker' together...
Movie: RM11
Lunch: RM20++
Time spent with friends: priceless..!
; p
Monday, October 30
Tuesday, October 17
I'm an uncle!! and Bro's Wedding (2 posts back 2 back)
Well, it's about time for some gay posts after a period of gloomy days! As they say, sunshine & rainbow comes after the storm..!
I'm an uncle!!!
Starting from 8th of October, i am officially an uncle to my eldest brother's 1st baby girl! Wow, finally a status upgrade...
Didn't get to see her face in person though, only got to see her cute pictures from my brother's handphone..
= (
Don't know what should i do as an uncle though??
Bro's wedding!
2 happy occasions in a month! My 2nd brother's wedding banquet was held on the 14th October at my hometown, JB. The ambience was nice, the food was nice, and the special thing is... there was a live band performance throughout the dinner!!!
The band consist of 2 gentlemen and 2 ladies and i must say they are very talented indeed! Their performance was really up to standard!
I'm an uncle!!!
Starting from 8th of October, i am officially an uncle to my eldest brother's 1st baby girl! Wow, finally a status upgrade...
Didn't get to see her face in person though, only got to see her cute pictures from my brother's handphone..
= (
Don't know what should i do as an uncle though??
Bro's wedding!
2 happy occasions in a month! My 2nd brother's wedding banquet was held on the 14th October at my hometown, JB. The ambience was nice, the food was nice, and the special thing is... there was a live band performance throughout the dinner!!!
The band consist of 2 gentlemen and 2 ladies and i must say they are very talented indeed! Their performance was really up to standard!
Monday, October 9
Always on my mind 2
I really don't know what is happening inside my mind but here's a little peek inside my mind...
Frustrating thought 2: I don't know how to express myself clearly...
Well, a really have to admit i don't have a talent of expressing myself very well especially in front of public. My adrenaline level will shot sky high and i will always become too exited & nervous until i lose my composure; in the end i will forgot the flow of speech and couldn't get the message across, clearly.
Maybe my brain's a bit slow, that's why... I feel like most of the time, my brain is blank..! Thinking about absolutely nothing. Maybe that's why everytime it's only until after i had a certain conversation with someone that i thought of a lot of better words to say that will be able to convey my message a lot more clearly. Does this only happen to me or does this happen to anybody else? i really wonder...
This also attributes to me being a listener more than a talker. Well, i think when in a crowd i am listening 99% of the time and only talking 1% of the time but i enjoyed listening to other people's stories... other people's problems... though maybe when i am listening i don't really give a very good response and my eyes will tend to sway to look at what's happening at the surrounding.. So others will tend to feel like i am way too quiet. And yes, sometimes, i will just do something unexpected and the result...
yup, you guessed it, kena kutuk again, 'sometimes i feel you just trying very hard so that others are impressed with you... so fake...'
(*stab*) What! So meaning i can't really do anything that brings others attention to me once in a while when i am not even thinking of this sort of things and you can do just anything as if you are NOT trying to impress others because you are always doing this sort of things and it's normal for you yet not for anyone else??? Duh?
It really hurts when i heard these words.. to think i can be labeled as 'doing things with intention and purpose' when i am not, AT ALL! Couldn't anyone do something just for the sake of it's intrinsic values... without ulterior purpose and nothing else??
That brings me to my other problems:
Problem 1: i actually don't like to probe into other people's business, if you want to talk, of course i can always lend my ears but because of this, other's will think i do not care so i do not ask so they just deliberately don't talk to me...
I know of this so when i try to improve by asking more questions (out of concern) i was told by others that they don't like me probing too much into their business..!?!
What the ****? So now i seriously don't know just how am i supposed to interact with others... when i talk i am afraid other people will perceived me as nosy and i actually don't know what to say... when i don't talk, people will say i am too quiet or feel that i am hard to approach & grouchy... (sigh)
Problem 2: don't give expected response perceived as 'i am not listening and i don't care what you are saying' attitude...
Well, i know it is quite inappropriate that i didn't keep full attention to the conversation at hand and tend to scan around with my eyes but i sincerely state here that i DO listen... it's just that i like to look around when i am listening... different sensation modalities different nerve tracts, it won't affect one another, that's called multi-tasking! But what made things worse is that as i had mention earlier, my brain is slow and tend to blank itself out... so when i am asked a question, 'hey are you actually listening what i am saying, can you repeat what i said?' A lot of times i just can't really give the answer that others expected... So i always kena with 'You always don't listen one, when i talking you see here see there... didn't give any response also... Don't want to talk to you anymore...'
(faint)
Do i seriously have a serious interpersonal skill problems or what? After all the repeated kutuk and kutuk and kutuk, i feel like i am losing my senses and i really don't know how to be a human anymore... I seriously don't know how i should treat others, my heart is already shut... i can't really face others without the fear what other poeple might comment about every move i made... i just don't want to make any moves now...
Can someone just give me some tips just how am i suppose to handle all different sort of poeple out there in the world? Do i really need to change? How do i change? Must i be a really good actor that can change my personality when needed? Must i wear a mask everytime i interact with other poeple?
I don't really know, maybe all this thoughts will go away, maybe just like KP said, it's just a mood swing... (i am also a temperamental Cancerian bound to the waning and waxing of the moon) or maybe this is just an excuse created by myself to help me feel better...
Frustrating thought 2: I don't know how to express myself clearly...
Well, a really have to admit i don't have a talent of expressing myself very well especially in front of public. My adrenaline level will shot sky high and i will always become too exited & nervous until i lose my composure; in the end i will forgot the flow of speech and couldn't get the message across, clearly.
Maybe my brain's a bit slow, that's why... I feel like most of the time, my brain is blank..! Thinking about absolutely nothing. Maybe that's why everytime it's only until after i had a certain conversation with someone that i thought of a lot of better words to say that will be able to convey my message a lot more clearly. Does this only happen to me or does this happen to anybody else? i really wonder...
This also attributes to me being a listener more than a talker. Well, i think when in a crowd i am listening 99% of the time and only talking 1% of the time but i enjoyed listening to other people's stories... other people's problems... though maybe when i am listening i don't really give a very good response and my eyes will tend to sway to look at what's happening at the surrounding.. So others will tend to feel like i am way too quiet. And yes, sometimes, i will just do something unexpected and the result...
yup, you guessed it, kena kutuk again, 'sometimes i feel you just trying very hard so that others are impressed with you... so fake...'
(*stab*) What! So meaning i can't really do anything that brings others attention to me once in a while when i am not even thinking of this sort of things and you can do just anything as if you are NOT trying to impress others because you are always doing this sort of things and it's normal for you yet not for anyone else??? Duh?
It really hurts when i heard these words.. to think i can be labeled as 'doing things with intention and purpose' when i am not, AT ALL! Couldn't anyone do something just for the sake of it's intrinsic values... without ulterior purpose and nothing else??
That brings me to my other problems:
Problem 1: i actually don't like to probe into other people's business, if you want to talk, of course i can always lend my ears but because of this, other's will think i do not care so i do not ask so they just deliberately don't talk to me...
I know of this so when i try to improve by asking more questions (out of concern) i was told by others that they don't like me probing too much into their business..!?!
What the ****? So now i seriously don't know just how am i supposed to interact with others... when i talk i am afraid other people will perceived me as nosy and i actually don't know what to say... when i don't talk, people will say i am too quiet or feel that i am hard to approach & grouchy... (sigh)
Problem 2: don't give expected response perceived as 'i am not listening and i don't care what you are saying' attitude...
Well, i know it is quite inappropriate that i didn't keep full attention to the conversation at hand and tend to scan around with my eyes but i sincerely state here that i DO listen... it's just that i like to look around when i am listening... different sensation modalities different nerve tracts, it won't affect one another, that's called multi-tasking! But what made things worse is that as i had mention earlier, my brain is slow and tend to blank itself out... so when i am asked a question, 'hey are you actually listening what i am saying, can you repeat what i said?' A lot of times i just can't really give the answer that others expected... So i always kena with 'You always don't listen one, when i talking you see here see there... didn't give any response also... Don't want to talk to you anymore...'
(faint)
Do i seriously have a serious interpersonal skill problems or what? After all the repeated kutuk and kutuk and kutuk, i feel like i am losing my senses and i really don't know how to be a human anymore... I seriously don't know how i should treat others, my heart is already shut... i can't really face others without the fear what other poeple might comment about every move i made... i just don't want to make any moves now...
Can someone just give me some tips just how am i suppose to handle all different sort of poeple out there in the world? Do i really need to change? How do i change? Must i be a really good actor that can change my personality when needed? Must i wear a mask everytime i interact with other poeple?
I don't really know, maybe all this thoughts will go away, maybe just like KP said, it's just a mood swing... (i am also a temperamental Cancerian bound to the waning and waxing of the moon) or maybe this is just an excuse created by myself to help me feel better...
Tuesday, October 3
Questions...
What will you do when you realize you are nothing but a bringer of troubles and sorrow to those around you?
Will you leave your loved ones so that they don't get sad?
Will you leave your loved ones so that they'll stay happy?
Will they understand the reason of you leaving?
Will they even try to persuade, to find out the exact truth why you do the things you do?
Do you silently wanted them to?
What will you do everytime you have a problem at hand that keeps bugging you?
Share your sorrow with your friends?
Even if you know they won't be able to help?
What if every time you are troubled it shows on your face?
Do you have the heart to pass your sorrows around?
Or will you just keep quiet, leave and slowly let yourself drown in the sorrow alone?
Yet at the same time, do you silently pray that someone will ask about your problems & care for you?
What is the purpose of sharing your sadness?
So that others too can feel your sadness?
So that you'll feel better as your share of sadness will be distributed among others?
So that others will try to make you happy?
Will you leave your loved ones so that they don't get sad?
Will you leave your loved ones so that they'll stay happy?
Will they understand the reason of you leaving?
Will they even try to persuade, to find out the exact truth why you do the things you do?
Do you silently wanted them to?
What will you do everytime you have a problem at hand that keeps bugging you?
Share your sorrow with your friends?
Even if you know they won't be able to help?
What if every time you are troubled it shows on your face?
Do you have the heart to pass your sorrows around?
Or will you just keep quiet, leave and slowly let yourself drown in the sorrow alone?
Yet at the same time, do you silently pray that someone will ask about your problems & care for you?
What is the purpose of sharing your sadness?
So that others too can feel your sadness?
So that you'll feel better as your share of sadness will be distributed among others?
So that others will try to make you happy?
Sunday, October 1
Always on my mind...
I know i should think too much and seriuosly i don't wish to have blogged this... it's somehow inappropriate for this blog's theme...
but something are just always on my mind...
At times i get so frustrated i don't even know what i am frustrating about..!
How should i live my life? How should i treat others? what should i do to make people around me feel happy? which path should i take? where should i be going? what should i be doing? Why am i thinking all of this...?
One of the most frustrating thought:
Most of the time, people say i am neutral... too neutral just like pH 7.000000000
But is it wrong to be the way i am? Again when i try to change, when i try NOT to be neutral, people will say, "Eh.. how come suddenly u become so acidic one?" So just what do you guys what?!!!?
Maybe my neutrality leads to my indecisiveness or the other round, i don't know but again, is it my fault? One classic example: When others ask me where & what you want to eat? As everyone would have guessed, i will definitely say, "You decide lar..." Well, i really feel this way, for me anything will do... others who have a preference can make the decision what.. isn't it better since it's you who have the preference and you will get to eat what u want! But no... the exact same type of people would say, "Why everytime i have to decide one? You don't have any ideas meh? So usually after this statement, of course i will give some suggestions:
me: McD?
friend: don't want...
me: fish & chip?
friend: what? again?
me: then food court lo, convinient what...
friend: don't want lar...
me: how about...
friend: (interrupt) why don't we go eat Japanese food?
me: ... ...
Duh! Why don't you tell earlier and all's well, no need to dilly dally... Of course this is only one of the minor example... perhaps it's really my fault that i can't easily please others?
And i seriously don't like to take sides... so when people are arguing (not real argue, both parties are my friends and most of the time they like to argue just for the sake of argue...), i of course stay neutral lar... what for taking sides? Again kena kutuk by them,
"why you never help me one..." (with the very serious face...)
"okay... next time lor...
Then next time, i decided to take sides, of course when you take sides you can only take 1 side, right? Again, kena kutuk... = (
"Why just now you help him not me? You hor.. everytime stay neutral... when help also don't want to help me... you don't treat me as friend har... fine lor?" (again with very serious face expression) So what am i to do??? Neutral also wrong, acidic also wrong, even alkaline also wrong!
= (
I guess this problem will be always n my mind... How can i truly be happy?
but something are just always on my mind...
At times i get so frustrated i don't even know what i am frustrating about..!
How should i live my life? How should i treat others? what should i do to make people around me feel happy? which path should i take? where should i be going? what should i be doing? Why am i thinking all of this...?
One of the most frustrating thought:
Most of the time, people say i am neutral... too neutral just like pH 7.000000000
But is it wrong to be the way i am? Again when i try to change, when i try NOT to be neutral, people will say, "Eh.. how come suddenly u become so acidic one?" So just what do you guys what?!!!?
Maybe my neutrality leads to my indecisiveness or the other round, i don't know but again, is it my fault? One classic example: When others ask me where & what you want to eat? As everyone would have guessed, i will definitely say, "You decide lar..." Well, i really feel this way, for me anything will do... others who have a preference can make the decision what.. isn't it better since it's you who have the preference and you will get to eat what u want! But no... the exact same type of people would say, "Why everytime i have to decide one? You don't have any ideas meh? So usually after this statement, of course i will give some suggestions:
me: McD?
friend: don't want...
me: fish & chip?
friend: what? again?
me: then food court lo, convinient what...
friend: don't want lar...
me: how about...
friend: (interrupt) why don't we go eat Japanese food?
me: ... ...
Duh! Why don't you tell earlier and all's well, no need to dilly dally... Of course this is only one of the minor example... perhaps it's really my fault that i can't easily please others?
And i seriously don't like to take sides... so when people are arguing (not real argue, both parties are my friends and most of the time they like to argue just for the sake of argue...), i of course stay neutral lar... what for taking sides? Again kena kutuk by them,
"why you never help me one..." (with the very serious face...)
"okay... next time lor...
Then next time, i decided to take sides, of course when you take sides you can only take 1 side, right? Again, kena kutuk... = (
"Why just now you help him not me? You hor.. everytime stay neutral... when help also don't want to help me... you don't treat me as friend har... fine lor?" (again with very serious face expression) So what am i to do??? Neutral also wrong, acidic also wrong, even alkaline also wrong!
= (
I guess this problem will be always n my mind... How can i truly be happy?
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