An act of kindness?

Ever think back about certain action that makes you wonder whether did you make the right decision and is there a better alternative way?

Few years back, I made a decision, one that made me sacrifice something very precious to bring joy to one of my best friend, but at the same time, I did cause some misery to another.
I don't know exactly why I decided to do it that way then, perhaps I just wanted to do something good, something altruistic, perhaps?

However, when I think back now, I can't help but to think about the thing that I lost in return for that act of kindness which my friend never really do know about or understand anyway.
Is there really the need for that decision, is there a 'better' way?
Is it really worthwhile for my altruism? I've lost something to gain nothing..

I really don't understand why am I thinking all this right now, it's all too late anyway.
But what if I'm faced with similar situation in the future? Will I still make similar decisions, ones that will make me wonder if that act of kindness that makes a hole in me be worthwhile?

Maybe I really need to learn how to be the devil sometimes.. ;p

At the X-road..

Another year gone by & here i am writing again

** am thinking, dear me, i suck at maintaining things, started with something good but end up down the drain **

Anyway, i am finishing my housemanship very soon.. (wow, couldn't believe i made it through at last)
and yet another challenge awaits me : what should i do after this?

so many roads to choose yet i haven't got the slightest clue which to take..?

interest : couldn't really tell which field i have the most interest in

not really suited for surgical based field due to poor constitution (my back really can't stand the long standing hours in OT);
don't really wanted to go into Int Med (i am not that good with diff diag);
Peads, a definite NO for me;
Radiology - my brother took that off the list already..
Anaesthesiology maybe? but too bad i didn't have the exposure during my housemanship, but i actually only like the OT part of Anaes, not the taking-care-of-ICU part

So, after some shortlisting, i am down with
emergency medicine - since i am bad with maintaining stuff, might as well i do the initial resus & let the ward finish the rest of the job
family physician - be a 'jack of all trades'
non clinical based e.g. nuclear medicine - since i am familiar with physics & the good part : no need to be on-call; but all clinical skills will be wasted


Up until this point of time, i am still at the crossroad, scratching my head, don't know which to choose..
Let there be some signs to help me choose.. please..