A conclusion about me in a word : undifferentiated
just one of the things going through my head.. I realized that I'm really an undifferentiated organism, just living my life by default, by reaction & dependence towards my surroundings.
point 1:
Out of sight, out of mind? I realized I only keep in touch with friends that I have contact with (well, apart from a few exceptions i.e. my really long & close friends). Otherwise, I'll be very distant to my other friends.. even with the ever popular facebook, I just ended up being a 'stalker', reading & knowing their updates but never really response.. which I think is a really really bad trait of mine..
point 2 :
I react only to my immediate suroundings. Many a times, I would totally forgot about certain things / tasks that I planned earlier but ended up not doing. I would only realized that when a certain trigger (from my surroundings) that would remind me of that task!!!
point 3 :
since time immemorial, when I have to choose between something, it'll be really difficult for me since I really have no preponderance over one to the other, no particular strong interest; and I would be so influenced by others in my decision, or rather I needed some influence to get to my decision.. What to eat? What to do next? Where to go? Where to hang out? What to buy? Which subjects to choose? What I want to be when I grow up? Which degree to study? Each proved to be a difficult choice..
point 4 :
No comment: my friends would certainly agree that most of the time, I really have no comments whatsoever to most of the things that we talked about. I am what you would call a 'blockhead'. Maybe the synapses in my brain are just not functioning..
point 5 :
up until this point, I am still not 100% sure just what am I going to do with my life; with my career. Which specialty should I choose? How should I spend the rest of my life? Currently I'm just living my life just as it is, fulfilling my basic 'duty' of living; just 'going with the flow'..
In the end of the day, maybe I'm just an autistic child with a self centered personality that cannot accommodate others in my life? Really pathetic isn't it?
Perhaps my ideal lifestyle is just to be a monk in a temple.. ;p
